My wedding planning so far has been non-existent.
Mainly because we haven’t fixed a date yet. We almost did
want to fix our wedding in June next year and I almost went to pay the deposit
at one of the banquet halls, but J’s grandmother suddenly decided that she
wanted to consult the cosmos based on our birthdates to see which date was most
auspicious to tie the knot, thus rendering whatever date we wanted unusable
anymore.
I am still trying to be gracious and to handle the
disappointment of this.
Mainly in Malaysia, this is how the whole wedding
planning thing goes. You settle on your date as early as you can, because most
hotels/restaurants take bookings for wedding banquets a year in advance. Basically,
the later you are in deciding your date, the chances of you getting a free date
in the banquet hall is lowered. I speak from personal experience, as after
calling up the hotels and banquet halls, quite a large number of them were not
available on the initial date which we both wanted.
Also, because we decided on Uncle G, who is the registrar
of marriage in my church to officiate the wedding. In Real Life, Uncle G is a
corporate finance lawyer who is juggling five kids and a hectic schedule. When we
first decided on our initial date, Uncle G was available to officiate the
marriage. Now with no date, and no definite timeline when it will be held, he
can’t promise anything. His next year has already been taken up with work,
family holidays and conferences around the world. Yes, he may register our marriage
to make it legal before the ceremony, but it feels meaningless (to me that is)
to register a marriage legally before the religious ceremony.
J says we should just wait for his grandmother to give us
the wedding date. He thinks it doesn’t really matter when we get married,
because at the end of the day, we will be still marrying each other. He thinks
that it’s better that we start out our married life not upsetting any of the
elders. Also, he feels that it may be better to have a later wedding date
because we would be able to save up a bit more in the meantime (considering the
fact that we’re both financing our wedding) so extra time would be a good
thing.
In a way, he is right. The whole choosing the date is out
of my control. I know I ought to behave like a rational adult and just let things
be. But part of me feels like a failure. Like, if I can’t even sort out a
simple thing like my wedding date, how am I going to handle greater things in
my life? How am I going to handle my work? My marriage? My children in the
future? My life in general?
I’m also disappointed at the fact that I do have to wait
longer before we can get married. Maybe I am a bit disappointed also that J
seems to be taking the whole postponement better than I am. And maybe, a small
part of me resents it that he isn’t showing how badly he feels about it as I am.
Which is ridiculous because I’m sure he is disappointed too.
I’m not sure how to react now. To be entirely honest, I know
I should just get over myself and go with the flow. I probably will, after I stop
overreacting.
