The Wedding Chronicles #2

My wedding planning so far has been non-existent.

Mainly because we haven’t fixed a date yet. We almost did want to fix our wedding in June next year and I almost went to pay the deposit at one of the banquet halls, but J’s grandmother suddenly decided that she wanted to consult the cosmos based on our birthdates to see which date was most auspicious to tie the knot, thus rendering whatever date we wanted unusable anymore.

I am still trying to be gracious and to handle the disappointment of this.

Mainly in Malaysia, this is how the whole wedding planning thing goes. You settle on your date as early as you can, because most hotels/restaurants take bookings for wedding banquets a year in advance. Basically, the later you are in deciding your date, the chances of you getting a free date in the banquet hall is lowered. I speak from personal experience, as after calling up the hotels and banquet halls, quite a large number of them were not available on the initial date which we both wanted.

Also, because we decided on Uncle G, who is the registrar of marriage in my church to officiate the wedding. In Real Life, Uncle G is a corporate finance lawyer who is juggling five kids and a hectic schedule. When we first decided on our initial date, Uncle G was available to officiate the marriage. Now with no date, and no definite timeline when it will be held, he can’t promise anything. His next year has already been taken up with work, family holidays and conferences around the world. Yes, he may register our marriage to make it legal before the ceremony, but it feels meaningless (to me that is) to register a marriage legally before the religious ceremony.

J says we should just wait for his grandmother to give us the wedding date. He thinks it doesn’t really matter when we get married, because at the end of the day, we will be still marrying each other. He thinks that it’s better that we start out our married life not upsetting any of the elders. Also, he feels that it may be better to have a later wedding date because we would be able to save up a bit more in the meantime (considering the fact that we’re both financing our wedding) so extra time would be a good thing.

In a way, he is right. The whole choosing the date is out of my control. I know I ought to behave like a rational adult and just let things be. But part of me feels like a failure. Like, if I can’t even sort out a simple thing like my wedding date, how am I going to handle greater things in my life? How am I going to handle my work? My marriage? My children in the future? My life in general?

I’m also disappointed at the fact that I do have to wait longer before we can get married. Maybe I am a bit disappointed also that J seems to be taking the whole postponement better than I am. And maybe, a small part of me resents it that he isn’t showing how badly he feels about it as I am. Which is ridiculous because I’m sure he is disappointed too.

I’m not sure how to react now. To be entirely honest, I know I should just get over myself and go with the flow. I probably will, after I stop overreacting.